A prestigious newspaper has expressed interest in interviewing me about my cartooning career. In order to prepare for that prospect, I conducted a warmup interview with myself. Here’s a partial transcript:
Q: Is Chuck Ingwersen your real name?
A: No. Obviously it’s a “stage name.” I chose it because Ingwersen flows so smoothly off the tongue.
Q: How long have you been cartooning?
A: Since just after lunchtime.
Q: What did you have for lunch?
A: Peanut butter and jelly …
A: Don’t mind if I do. (Raises glass toward interviewer.) Here’s to you, interviewer dude. (Drinks enthusiastically.)
Q: What kind of jobs did you have before you became a cartoonist?
A: The not-so-funny kind, mainly.
Q: Does anything stand out?
A: If I can be serious for a moment, I worked as a newspaper journalist for many years. I learned all kind of useful things in that job. I developed strong writing skills, I became adept at page design and I learned to move extremely fast when free pizza was brought into the newsroom.
Q: Do you miss working for a newspaper?
A: Yes, quite a bit. I miss the collaboration, the concept of a team united for a common goal, the energy that radiates from a dedicated group of creative people. And the free pizza. The precious, precious free pizza.
Q: You must really like pizza.
A: It’s all right, I guess. I like “free.”
Q: Can you tell me about your work in the field of monkey translation technology?
A: I’d rather wait until the Nobel Prize committee makes its choices known.
Q: When did you decide to make a career out of cartooning?
A: Why do you keep badgering me with all these questions, man?
Q: I’m interviewing you.
A: Oh, right.
Q: What are you writing on that notepad?
A: Oh, sorry. I’m just jotting down my grocery list. I remembered I’m out of eggs, and I need them to make French … um, French …
A: Don’t mind if I do. (Raises glass toward interviewer, drinks enthusiastically.)