Q: Is the Parade of Nations over yet?
A: No, Procrastistan hasn’t come out of the stadium tunnel yet.
Q: Doesn’t Michael Phelps worry about his skin getting all prune-wrinkly?
A: He’s so fast, his body actually never gets wet.
Q: When will Duck Duck Goose finally be recognized as an Olympic sport?
A: It’s behind Hide and Seek on the waiting list.
Q: Why don’t they ever test Bob Costas for steroids?
A: He takes off his finely-tailored suits for no one.
Q: How many Chinese gymnasts can Yao Ming fit in his pocket?
A: All of them. Plus Bob Costas.
Q: When does the luge start?
A: Now you’re just being silly.