Yes, that Ernie Dingo
Something like Earl Dingo, for example.
You might have heard about the Milwaukee man who was accused of shooting his lawn mower because it wouldn’t start.
“I can do that, it’s my lawn mower and my yard so I can shoot it if I want,” 56-year-old Keith Walendowski reportedly told police.
Sure, it’s a splashy story — the kind that the national news outlets feast upon. But what about the lesser crimes against lawn-care equipment and home appliances that go overlooked? Here are some of the headlines you didn’t read:
* Peoria man belittles his weed-whacker in front of the neighbor children
* Topeka grandmother slaps Mr. Coffee
* Teenage gamer flings his Wii
* Enraged mother pummels toaster after it refuses to l’eggo her Eggo
* Fort Wayne man throws remote control, cable box and TV out window when he can’t change channel away from “The View”
ALTERNATE SAYINGS FOR “THE CAT’S OUT OF THE BAG”
“The weasel’s out of my pants.”
“The wiener dog has pooted.”
“There ya go, flappin’ those loose lips again, Sally.” (Appropriate only when someone named Sally has let the weasel out of her pants.)
“The Canadian has dropped the puck.”
“Grandma just let another one fly.”
LEAST USEFUL THINGS TO HAVE WITH YOU ON A DESERT ISLAND
Season 2 DVD set of Full House
Coupon for free drink with purchase of a Whopper