Janet’s suspiciously happy

© Chuck Ingwersen, 2008

Happy birthday to Ernie Dingo.

Yes, that Ernie Dingo

I just can’t help wondering if he would have had a more successful career if he had changed his name.

Something like Earl Dingo, for example.

Oops. Wrong planet.

 

© Chuck Ingwersen, 2008

Crimes against appliances up 17 percent

You might have heard about the Milwaukee man who was accused of shooting his lawn mower because it wouldn’t start. 

“I can do that, it’s my lawn mower and my yard so I can shoot it if I want,” 56-year-old Keith Walendowski reportedly told police.

Sure, it’s a splashy story — the kind that the national news outlets feast upon. But what about the lesser crimes against lawn-care equipment and home appliances that go overlooked? Here are some of the headlines you didn’t read:

* Peoria man belittles his weed-whacker in front of the neighbor children

* Topeka grandmother slaps Mr. Coffee 

* Teenage gamer flings his Wii

* Enraged mother pummels toaster after it refuses to l’eggo her Eggo 

* Fort Wayne man throws remote control, cable box and TV out window when he can’t change channel away from “The View”

The cat’s out of the … you know.

  

 

 

© Chuck Ingwersen, 2008

 

 

ALTERNATE SAYINGS FOR “THE CAT’S OUT OF THE BAG”

“The weasel’s out of my pants.”

“The wiener dog has pooted.”

“There ya go, flappin’ those loose lips again, Sally.” (Appropriate only when someone named Sally has let the weasel out of her pants.)

“The Canadian has dropped the puck.”

“Grandma just let another one fly.”

Desert island

 

 

© Chuck Ingwersen, 2008

 

LEAST USEFUL THINGS TO HAVE WITH YOU ON A DESERT ISLAND

Sandbox

Waffle iron

Season 2 DVD set of Full House

Coupon for free drink with purchase of a Whopper

Spackle

High-heeled shoes

Pet goldfish

Jim Belushi

Another zombie cartoon

 

© Chuck Ingwersen, 2008

Pants! Always funny.

 

© Chuck Ingwersen, 2008

From the cartoonist’s handbook: When in doubt, make the punchline refer to pants.

Bad Poetry Corner: “The Potato Dance”

Hot potato in your pants.
That would make a lively dance.

Get that tater while it’s hot.
Call it “baby” (tater tot).

Piece of potato in my eye.
Give it to the French to fry.

Mash that potato ’til it’s fluffy.
Put it in your pants to make them puffy.

Do your little dance then add some gravy.
Sing potato songs and join the Navy.

Water cooler talk

 

© Chuck Ingwersen, 2008

 

Water coolers. Do workplaces even have them anymore? They seem like relics from a simpler, more watery-cooler time. 

Just imagine … co-workers gathering around a water cooler to communicate with each other, face to face. How primitive! But it’s true. In the days before e-mail and instant messaging and text messaging and bottled water readily available for just a few dollars, the water cooler was the hub of the office. It was where the previous night’s TV shows were discussed, where gossip was exchanged and where water was occasionally consumed.

Sample Water Cooler Conversation, Circa 1968:

Ned from accounting: Did you see Batman last night? Adam West sure brings a conflicted, introspective quality to the role of the Caped Crusader. And Cesar Romero’s portrayal of the Joker is chilling — pure genius. He certainly won’t be forgotten come awards season.

Stew from accounting: You bet your sweet bippy.

Ned: Speaking of sweet bippies, I hear that groovy Mindy chick from personnel is a real tiger in the holding-hands department.

Stew: Sock it to me.

Ned: I think someone spiked the water cooler with hallucinogenic drugs again.

Stew: There’s a five-headed walrus on your shoulder.

Ned: Well, time to get back to work.